This is the moment of truth. You press down on the surface. If the table wobbles, you don't just tighten a screw. You have to go on television (or Instagram Live) and explain to your followers:
I was assembling the lower shelf. I had the bracket in one hand and the screw in the other. Everything was going smoothly. I looked down at my watch.
Read the instructions three times. Trust nobody. And for god's sake, tape down the rug before you start. You don't want those missing dowels rolling under the sofa where they can conspire against you. nixon coffee table assembly instructions
I have no memory of what happened during that time. Did I assemble it correctly? Did I strip the threading? The world may never know. I call it "plausible deniability." Step 7 is brutal. It tells you to flip the table over onto its feet.
I recently bought a piece of furniture called the This is the moment of truth
But here is the genius of the Nixon assembly method:
Unlike the cheerful, friendly instructions from a certain Swedish giant (you know the one—where the mascot is a moose and everything is named after a fjord), the Nixon assembly guide is aggressive, paranoid, and surprisingly sticky. You have to go on television (or Instagram
Warning: This post contains no actual political scandals, but it does contain high stakes, a few missing washers, and the potential for a very wobbly leg.