A church organ playing a polka standard at full volume. It is joyful and sacrilegious in equal measure. You can hear the pews creaking. Someone coughs. The organist hits a wrong note at 2:15 and keeps going. God loves a tripped waltz, apparently. “Message for Dave”
Before it was a children’s birthday staple, the Hokey Pokey was a jazzy, unhinged speakeasy romp. The piano is out of tune. The vocals are shouted through a megaphone. The tempo speeds up and slows down because the 78 RPM record is warped. It is chaotic and slightly menacing, like a cartoon ghost leading a dance. “Stop, Look, and Listen (Railroad Safety)”
Here is the story of that jukebox. “Weather for Tomorrow” by The U.S. Weather Bureau Band
This is not a song. It is a three-minute audio file labeled “Message for Dave.” A woman is crying, asking why Dave didn’t show up to the airport. She hangs up. Calls back ten seconds later to apologize. Then hangs up again. It was accidentally uploaded to a collection of ambient sounds. It is the saddest thing on the internet. “Goodnight, Wherever You Are”
